Today I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed. I have a 4 (almost 5) year old girl and an 8 month old girl. I'm a SAHM and I love it, I do. But my 8mo is EBF. So EBF that she has NEVER taken a bottle. She absolutely refuses them. That means I gave given her every single feeling, every single day, for EIGHT MONTHS. Not once have I had a night out. Not once have I spent more than 2 hours away from her. Not once have I been able to have more than one drink.

Today I found myself staring at the wall, holding baby on my hip, 4 year old tugging on my sweater saying MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM.... and all I felt was complete emptiness. I stared in silent pain as a tear slid down my cheek. I contemplated if I should continue to breathe or just allow myself to succumb to the darkness. Staring blankly. Dead inside.

My husband is no help. He is very much a "raising and caring for kids is womans work" type. Sometimes he holds the baby so I can shower but he complains the whole time and begs me not to take longer than 10 minutes.

I'm scared I'm going to lose it if I don't get a break soon. I need to breathe. I need to not be needed, be crawled on, be suckled on, be whined at. I just need to be me. Is that so much to ask?