Dating someone with depression

He’s responsible for himself! He’s an adult and his welfare is his problem. Not yours. If he’s feeling this badly, he needs to seek help. It’s exhausting dealing with that. This is coming from someone who has depression. I could never do that to my husband. My husband has depression as well too and is active duty and hates the military. He says some off the wall stuff and it even makes me worry because a lot of people in his unit commit suicide weekly. So sometimes I really worry, so I encourage him to get help. I tell him it’s unfair for him to put that weight on my shoulders and cause me to worry. We have 2 kids. I beg him that if he gets to that point to please tell me honestly or at least seek help. It’s so unfair of him to lay all of his emotional baggage on you. Some is ok, but what he’s doing it just wrong.

Of course depression is worst for the person experiencing it but at this point he's using his mental health problems to manipulate and emotionally abuse you. Threatening to kill yourself so someone stays is never okay. You need to tell him that unless he starts taking things seriously and decides to embark on a healing journey, you'll be forced to leave him. Only he can decide to help himself no matter how much you encourage him or how patient you are. If he threatens suicide again call police and don't look back.

That sounds a lot more like manipulation than depression. My husband and I both suffer from depression but neither of us has ever used it as a weapon against the other. I would not stay with someone that refuses to get help and chooses to stay that toxic.

I’m pretty sure that’s a abusive realtionship maybe you should admit him into a hospital so he can get better

He absolutely needs to see a doctor, he is not handling it on his own. Frankly it’s something that very few people have the ability to handle on their own, it might be hard to face up to, but it’s not an insult to say that he can’t. He can’t just expect a partner to shoulder that burden for him. It’s (unintentionally?) cruel and really unfair to leave it to you to pick up the pieces, especially when he’s essentially leaving you alone to look after your kid while also worried out of your mind for his sake. Depression sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve struggled with myself and with partners. What he’s doing is irresponsible. If he wants to be part of a family he has the responsibility to try and do something about it. If he doesn’t want to do therapist/psychiatrist, primary care docs can often prescribe as well, that was a first step for me. Or vice versa, therapy without meds can be really effective for some people. He needs to start that process.It is really tough. On one hand, it truly is agonizing and my heart goes out to someone who’s feeling so low they need to go to those extremes. We all like to think we have the willpower to keep ourselves out of that place, but sometimes you can’t stop it anymore than you can will yourself out of having a heart attack, and once you’re there, some really alarming stuff can seem reasonable.But on the other hand I’m pissed for you too. He has a family, it is no longer just an “I want to feel better” problem that he can put off. (And depression-brain can REALLY talk you out of wanting to feel better for your own sake.) He may not be aware that he’s not just neglecting himself when these things happen. It is an actual illness that needs to be treated. If it was a medical crisis from diabetes or blood pressure, it would be irresponsible to let that progress without treatment and expect your partner to just handle your care the next time you passed out or had a seizure. The police incident is almost to that level. That can not happen again, something needs to change.

I would take it very seriously and not consider it asking for attention. But I would tell him he needs to seek help. Counseling. It’s not solely your job to fix things. If this has been going on for that long he should of seemed help a long time ago.

you have the right to leave. as i was reading this it seemed more like manipulation than depression.

you’re in the right if you want to leave. you’ve dealt with it, he’s refusing the help from a professional he obviously needs, of COURSE you’d be annoyed. as someone in a relationship who personally has depression, the one thing that saved us was me going on medication and reaching out for help from a therapist. he’s being unreasonable, it’s taking a top on you, and if he refuses to get help i think it’s time for you to leave.