Has anyone got any advice please?? Sorry it’ll be a long post 🙈

As you all know it’s Christmas... I live with my mum and my Nan. My Nan is old and does silly things sometimes like opening the doors and letting strangers into the house and buttering her bread with a meat clever, so my mum always has to be around to look after. Her mobility is decreasing too so she often trips.

My mum has mental health issues. She was raped when she was younger, abused by her brother, been in two physically and sexually violent relationships and then a mental abusive relationship with my father who we haven’t spoken to in 8 years. She then almost immediately became a carer for my Nan so has never really fully recovered. She is currently in the waiting list for therapy but she needs some intensive therapy so is on a long waiting list.

I have mental health issues too. I suffer for anxiety which I’m on medication for. I’ve had therapy and I had to take four months off work. I also have dyspraxia and dyslexia which apparently is a contributing factor to mental health too. I work in the emergency services and it’s a very busy time of year, so I’m having to do a lot of over time which is do t get a choice about. You can’t just leave halfway through a job. I have just returned to full duties too so it’s a lot to deal with to me.

I booked six days off of work before Christmas to help my mum get the house ready for christmas, but I honestly couldn’t do much half of those days as I struggled to even get out of bed without crying. I honestly did try. And then the other half my mum was struggling with her mental health so we really didn’t get much done.

She is now extremely angry at me for being so lazy. She’s wrapped most of my presents up which was very kind of her, and I’ve tried to clean all of the floors. Every time I’ve come home this week I’ve tried to do something but my mums sent me to bed as she can see I’m at my limit. I really am trying my hardest. I can understand why she’s annoyed with me but I really don’t know what else I can do. Looking back it does seem as if I’ve been lazy, and I can see why she’s annoyed with me, but those days I’ve appeared to be doing nothing I’ve been fighting in my own head not to hurt myself or kill myself. It’s like an internal fight I’ve been having and although I’m just laying in bed, it’s exhausting.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can make this up to her? Or how to get more energy to do the things she wants?

I have to deal with so much stress and pressure and then I come home and she’s angry at me and shouting and saying how I’m useless, stupid, a mug, selfish etc. I understand she’s fighting her own demons but I can’t take this.

My partner and I are looking for a house but admin etc is so slow when it comes to buying. And now she’s making digs about me abandoning her and how she’s going to be lonely and when my Nan dies, she may as well die too if I’m not living with her as she will be lonely. She’s always saying how she would hate for me to move out and wants to live with me forever, but we seem to spend so much time arguing and it appears to me that I’m making her mental health far worse and she’s certainly not helping mine.

It’s frustrating. She does nothing 90% of the time. I have a full time job, and if I have a couple days off to do nothing she goes crazy. The other day was the first day in a couple of months that I went out with my partner for the day and she’s still chucking it in my face, saying that she won’t let that happen next year. It’s been over 6 months since I met up with any of my friends because she gets annoyed when I’m out too long and not at home helping or looking after the dogs (we have one each, but tbf mine’s 6 months so he’s a pain. I do take him with me when I go out but she still gets annoyed).

Again. I understand why she’s annoyed. Other than working and walking the dogs I don’t do much as I really don’t have the energy. So please, if anyone has any advice on how to do more things and help out more, I would greatly appreciate.

Sorry for the rant and long post. I do appreciate it if you got this far x