Please no judgement because I am really struggling.

We lost our son Conrad in May 2018 at 21 weeks due to preterm labor. He is buried with my husband’s mom so we visit often. I always get emotional and think about what could of been.

This year we were blessed with our rainbow baby, Theodore and he is the light of our lives. He brings us such joy and is such a good, happy baby. We feel truly lucky how well behaved and loving he is.

My struggle is that while I miss Conrad and the life he could of had, I always feel like a horrible person because if we didn’t lose Conrad we would of never been blessed with Theodore. Please tell me that I am not alone with my struggles and how do I get passed feeling this way?