manic and pregnant

**possible trigger warning***

so a little backstory, when I was younger I got diagnosed with depression and I started hurting myself. has i’ve gotten a lot better with it i don’t hurt myself anymore but i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my manic episodes are pretty bad. i had a break last night and blacked out but i need ways to distract myself before it gets to that point. i was on medication for depression and anxiety before but then i found out i was pregnant and they advised me to stop until my second trimester. i’m 13w 1d today so i’m going to make an appointment soon but i just need some advise. i don’t know what to do. and my suicidal thoughts are getting stronger. i’ve promised myself and this baby i won’t take our lives because if i go he goes but i need distraction. anything helps. thank you for whoever took the time to read this