Emetophobia

I’ve always hated feeling nauseous and vomiting like most people do. At 17, I started developing generalized anxiety that translated into physical stomach symptoms that were sometimes nausea. I’ve never vomited from anxiety.

In the past couple of years, I’ve developed an extreme phobia of vomiting. Every waking moment of every day, I fear the possibility of throwing up. I have panic attacks if I wake up in the middle of the night because I worry I’m going to throw up. I hate public areas out of fear that everything is contaminated and going to make me sick.

I’m grateful to be relatively healthy and have not vomited often throughout my life. However, I feel absolutely debilitated by this. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted from worrying about something so silly. I recognize that I won’t die from vomiting. I know that it’s gross and isn’t fun in the moment, but is not something that is life-altering, yet my fear of it has been.

I stayed with my boyfriend last night. This morning, he woke up not feeling well. After I left, he developed some kind of virus and texted me this evening to tell me that he’s been throwing up. Ever since, I’ve been in a panic. I recognize I might get it and I might not, either. But I’m absolutely terrified.

I begin therapy tomorrow and am currently on Xanax to manage my anxiety. I’m too afraid to take antidepressants because of the side-effects.

Please, if there’s anyone here that suffers from this awful illness, please share something encouraging if you are able. I’m losing my mind and it’s absolutely ridiculous 😭😩