Having my doubts about having another baby

Hello I am new here ive been ttc about 1 year now after my last depo shot, but now I think I shouldn't have more kids since i already have 3 and I don't get any benefits and its hard. Also my mom attempted suicide with my 2 brothers inside the truck she crashed into 5 other cars on 12-21-19 I feel so sad she said she did it because we dont love her. She is a widow with 7 kids and I dont want to end up like her full of kids and depressed I dont judge her I love her and miss her 😭