I’m scared it’s going to happen again

I had gender disappointment with my last pregnancy as I really wanted a girl .. I got a boy and he is truely the best thing that’s ever hppened but ...

I have my heart set on having a girl I have the name chose I can’t think of one boy name

Like I duno I just feel like when I get told the gender of it isn’t what I want I’m just gonna break down and cry

I know it’s selfish of me

Expecially after having my son and having gender disappointment with him and then when he was born I could have died and so could he have he was in special care for a week and I didn’t get to see him till he was 24 hours old so I duno I’m just scared that if I don’t have a girl and I have a boy and I’m disappointed about it again that things are gonna fall apart like it did last time ....

anyone ever been through it and understand where I’m coming from

Or is it just selfish and stupid of me