i’m gonna start blunt. i’ve had sex before. i had sex with 4 people. never with someone i wasn’t dating. or that i didn’t love. and that was a year ago that i last had any form of sexual encounter. this year i’ve been shut of from society. dropped out of school cause i was bullied. i’m a junior by the way. it’s been a year that i was at school. gained weight i don’t have any friends i am basically shut out from society . and i am so fucking disgusted at the fact that i’ve had sex. i grew up mormon. and stopped going to church a few years ago because my dad became an alcoholic. this year i was talked down on by my father. because last year a girl i was friends with took photos of me without my knowledge and showed people at school hence why i was bullied and left they made an instagram account of me and put photos of me on there. and pretend they were me used my name followed all my followers meaning my family i haven’t talked to or seen my aunts or grandmas or cousins in a year now because of it. they all saw it. and my dad will bring it up when he’s drunk. make me feel really bad about myself. extremely degrading. recently i shower 2-3 times a day and scrub my skin till it’s raw. i feel so disgusted in my own body. i have nothing to give my future husband. i hate myself for being 14 and letting a boy touch me. and now two years later i can’t get over it. i’m so depressed. i often think about suicide because of how much i hate myself. i’m not in school. i’ll never get anywhere. i would never commit suicide. cause i’m just a little bitch. i can’t do it. but it’s in my head. it’s my only way out.