My SO and I had a good day today. Or so I thought. We’ve been struggling bc all of my time goes into the baby. I’ve told him that I need more help so that I have time for myself and time for him. He has even been sleeping on the couch for about 3 weeks, baby us 10 weeks now. I’ve been struggling with PPD and just went to my doctors last week. My doc put me on Zoloft, the smallest dose possible. And I’m ok with that. If I could make myself feel better I would have done it already... well my SO told me today “don’t take those pills, they’re not good”. He doesn’t understand and I’ve tried to explain it to him. We went to my family’s house for a little get together this evening and it was mice. Family members passed the baby around and him and I got to just sit together without interruptions. It’s the little things, ya know. I told him that I miss him and I miss our relationship. He said he knows, but with a baby it’s going to just be like this for a while. Well, he just need up getting drunk. Which whatever, go ahead and let loose bc u don’t have the baby right now. I didn’t drink. Well we get home (about 11:15pm) and I told him I was going to get the baby to sleep by changing her into pj’s and feeding her. I changed her then brought her out to the couch and gave him a kiss and had him kiss the baby. Baby decided she’s not tired and she as being super fussy. I heard him go outside. I thought he went to smoke z (gross I know). But when he didn’t come in for prob 15 min I looked out the door and didn’t see him. I put the baby down, still scream, and opened the door to see that the cars are still in the driveway and he’s no where to be found. So where the eff did he go?! I called him, no answer. So I text and said “where r u?” he said “I’m outside”. I text back that I didn’t see him and asked him to come inside and talk to me. At my family’s house he said “hun, ur the best person in my life, I love u with all my heart”.

Really??? It’s now 4:15am and I called him so many times that his phone went dead. I know he had someone pick him up. And I have a feeling it was his ex. Like HOW can he do this? It’s not the first time he’s hurt me or been shady and unfaithful, although he’ll never admit to it.

I’m so hurt. You don’t hurt the ppl you love. I’m just so troubled on what to do. I want to slap him in the face when he finally comes home. But I wouldn’t actually do that. How can I stay with him? It’s unacceptable. 100% not okay. One of the big problems is is that I gave up my apartment to live and raise this baby with him. So I have no where to really go. I have family, but no one really has room. And I’m not working so he’s been supporting me and the baby financially. I feel like I’m stuck in this relationship. And I need to face it that he’s not going to change. It just breaks my heart that I actually thought we were good today and we were going to work on “us”. 😭😭😭 not to mention I can not raise a baby in a toxic household. I would have been gone if it wasn’t for the baby.

Update:

He text me at 11:15am and asked me to pick him up at the neighbors house. He walked there, which is prob a 20 min walk... I. The freezing cold (Ohio).. He sat in their car all night bc they didn’t answer the door and his phone died. I picked him up. Told him that what he did is unacceptable and u don’t do things like that to people you love. I think he was blacked out. Not making it any better. It actually makes it worse bc that’s a whole diff problem. But there is one plus, he wasn’t with his ex. I’m still so pissed and so exhausted. I think maybe I’ll go stay at my families for the rest of the week and just get some time to clear my head bc I don’t want to be here.