Feeling lost

I’m so emotional today, I’m not usually one to cry randomly at my own thoughts.

My dream last year was to come into 2020 pregnant. *not happened.

I’m fed up.

I’m fed up of seeing girls I know be in and out of relationships and then so easily get pregnant, even when they aren’t happy! Im fed up of people saying “well if you had children...” “it’s different when you’re a parent”

I’m fed up of it not being my turn.

I want to be a parent, I want that different look on life, I want the responsibility, the sleepless nights, the morning sickness, all of it. To have a little person of mine.

I’ve been with my amazing, loving man who has treated me like a princess for 5 and a half years, never said or done me wrong, ever. We’ve been ttc for a while now and finding it so difficult to get there.

Don’t get me wrong he’s so helpful and understanding and we do get through each month. But last night and today I just feel empty, I should be carrying our baby now, and I’m not. It hurts. I’ve been feeling down all day today and now I’m just crying. None of my friends are interested in children or getting pregnant so I’ve come here to vent :(