Why don’t I deserve to be a mom? I give up.

Question

Another day, another negative test. I just don’t understand why God/the universe is punishing me and keeping me from being a mom when its all I’ve ever wanted. I did everything “right.” I busted my butt to keep straight As all through high school so I could get into a good college, I worked full time through my junior and senior year of high school to save up money for college and pay for my car, I busted my ass in college working a part time serving job and a part time job at TWO different hospitals (one in pediatrics and one in OB) for experience and still kept a 3.9 GPA during my TWO bachelors degrees (one being in nursing which is really hard btw), I dated a wonderful man for 3 years and we got married, I got a stressful/hard but rewarding and well paying job working as an ER nurse. I see abused children, pregnant mothers who smoke/do drugs, or those who are pregnant for literally their 11th time and don’t have custody of any of their previous children. What makes them more worthy of a baby? I work overtime every single week so I can pay off my student loans and save up to provide a baby with a wonderful life, we have a house, a reliable car, a steady income, support from our friends and family. All I want is a baby. We’re ready. We’ve been ready.  I know I would be a GREAT mom. I would love, provide for, and protect my child with every ounce of my being. This was month 13 trying. Round 1 of Clomid. But for some reason the universe or God (if I even believe anymore) are torturing me and keeping me from my #1 goal. It’s been my #1 goal since I was 15 years old. I did ALL of this for this BABY. I’ve never been so broken and defeated in my life. I feel like giving up. I feel like I no longer have a purpose. 💔 Now what?

Answer

Maybe this resentment you’re harboring about not being pregnant is preventing you from getting pregnant. You sound stressed but being resentful isn’t going to get you pregnant any faster. 
I’ve been where u are...I lost 3 pregnancies 2 mc and one ectopic with major surgery. All of this was going on while my cousin and my best friend were both having their 3rd babies. It was really hard not for me to be jealous and resentful but I pushed through. 
Just because you did everything right, the world owes you nothing. Change your outlook and I promise you will be pregnant in no time.

Answer

Yes...you can work hard to get through life, but that doesn't mean that other people whom have different circumstances do not deserve to be mothers. Being upset is not going to change things. My life was the same way, it took me about 3 years to get pregnant and I had the same thoughts as you.

Answer

You cant compare your fertility to someone else's, its doesn't work like that. It's biology not some great life mystery about "God's" selection process for who "gets" to be pregnant.

Answer

You may have done everything right for your life that doesnt mean it's any easier to conceive. I have worked full time, good partner and also found the one, stopped smoking few years ago, drink booze about twice a year , healthy diet, researched everything about conception and ttc, even prayed (on my very low days) it doesnt mean I'm going to get pregnant now.

Answer

I understand how you feel. I did everything by the book. Got the education, career, and loving husband. Then this past summer I had a miscarriage. It was the first time I ever got mad at God. I remember a counselor at a support group I went to after my brother committed suicide said, "It's ok to get mad at God. He's got big shoulders."  Three weeks after my miscarriage I found out I have stage 4 cancer, and for some reason the cancer didn't make me angry at God. And yes, it's hard reading about women who don't want their baby or put their babies in unhealthy environments. It's like why? But facing death put my life in perspective. I have an amazing husband who treats me like the dearest treasure. Not having a baby to share our love is sad, but now I know that he and I are enough. I want to survive so i can have just him. Just us is enough. I don't know why things work the way they do. Maybe we're just learning patience. Maybe I have cancer so I can beat it and give courage to someone in the future. All I'm saying is please don't give up. And yes, be mad at God for while, but don't give up on him either. I'm clinging to him while I go through each painful treatment. I don't know the purpose of this yet but I will.  You will too. I know you will.

Answer

I understand 10000% my husband and I been trying for basically two years now and I thought it would happen so easily boy was I wrong.  I had my tubes check, he had his sperm check and still nothing yet I see people who’s unfit just get pregnant so easily.  I wish u the best of luck!!!

Answer

For others: This group is for venting only. Just to let it all out to get little bit relief. Those words won't come from heart. Its all in mind. Need mind peace first. All have good and bad days. Some even worst. So let her speak out what she need to speak. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Just an opinion.
Those who are trying i hope u get ur BFP soon. Baby dust to us all.
For sunshine: TTC is hard. Everyone who struggle knows it. Don't take negative words to Ur heart. I have been trying more than 2 years with unexplained fertility problem. We did iui but failed. Now i am taking a break from everything. If u can try to take a break. Do meditate. Try to be stress-free that's important. I know it's hard. Most of them who are ttc cant be 100% stress-free. But we can try. We need to try. Baby dust to you. Hope u get ur bfp soon.

Answer

Try not to stress yourself out! That can prolong a healthy pregnancy 
Best Wishes and Baby Dust to you !

Why don’t I deserve to be a mom? I give up.

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