How to better communicate?

Question

So I want me and my man to work on our communication better I feel as if I’m opening up more than he is and that’s causing me to become more independent and I be wanting to punish him for hurting my feelings be brushing off times I try to communicate .. lol but I love him smh

Answer

...what?

Answer

Punishing him...  people need to feel like a conversation is a safe a space. That you listen, not to reply or react or defend but to listen listen to understand where they are coming from. With men the minute you raise your voice, they stop listening. The minute they feel you are nagging and complaining, they tune you out. Use “I feel we” over,  you always or you never or accusing or name calling or bringing up the past. I have a lot of emotional baggage from trauma since childhood and beyond. It’s a lot to swallow for most people everything that I have been through. The guy I’m with always used to say when we first started dating and I asked about his childhood he would say I don’t want to talk about it. Now he volunteers information on his own and opens up. His father was an alcoholic and was abusive to his mother in every way. Both parents died and his brother. We all come with baggage and deal with it differently. I just unlocked a memory that I was sexually abused as a child. I had a mental block and the first person I was him. We talk about everything. It’s a safe space. We sit in the car that’s our bubble. Judgement free. No yelling or screaming. He knows just by the look on my face when someone is off. Sometimes there a misunderstanding in a text. And it’s misunderstood as an attitude etc. and it wasn’t intended. But you talk about it. Pick your battles. Leave the past in the past. Work on things. I hope things get better.

How to better communicate?

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