I miss the bond I had with my mom. šŸ˜„

Hi. I donā€™t know where to post this. Iā€™m 14 years old. This might get a little long but I donā€™t have anyone to talk to. Iā€™m sorry.. I seriously think my mom hates me. Like actually. Her and I used to be close. My dad and her divorced (my dad was sentenced life in prison about 6-7 months later). My dad and I were inseparable so it took a pretty big toll on me. She had a boyfriend and got pretty serious with him. I didnā€™t really like him, but his daughter and I became like best friends so I tolerated him and basically told my mom I approved of their relationship. My mom got pregnant with my brother who is now a year and a half. I love him so much. But, when she was about 6 months pregnant her and her boyfriend split. It took her a while to ā€œget back out thereā€ and I wanted her to be happy so I encouraged it so much. She met this guy (Iā€™ll call him A) and apparently she knew A from when she was younger. It was more of, A knew my mom but my mom didnā€™t know of A back then. I guess they had the same friend group. So they talked for a while then stopped, then started talking again. I encouraged it, I wanted her happy. But, one thing she promised me was she would be with a Christian (sorry if you donā€™t believe in God) and it really upset my family that he doesnā€™t believe. She also said she would take it slow. And she lied. Literally I met his 4 kids about a month later. My mom has 3 kids. So altogether thatā€™s 7. She never wanted that many. We moved in to a new house and he tries to parent my little sister who is 10. He wasnā€™t trying to parent me up until recently. And, I am all for respecting adults. But, I donā€™t respect him. I talk back on purpose. I donā€™t care. I told him he means nothing to me. I literally hate him. He talks to my mom like she is a child. If she interrupts him, he gets mad and yells at her and tells her not to like sheā€™s a kid or something. Theyā€™re also not clean people. Today, I was telling my mom how this house is gross. He got mad saying I should get up and do something then. But I do. I did the catbox today and swept the bathroom. Usually I sweep the kitchen and my sister helps me with loading + unloading the dishwasher. He wouldnā€™t stop going on and on. He always has to be right in arguments so I told him to shut up. Over and over til he actually did. Then he went in my room and literally said ā€œgrab your stuff Iā€™m taking it outā€ Bc apparently since Iā€™m so disrespectful I need to learn respect and Iā€™m only going to have a mattress thatā€™s mine in the room. Thankfully, my mom stood up for that one. But he took all my stuff off my dresser and threw it on the floor. (Iā€™ll put pictures) and he took out my tv that my dad bought for me. I just feel like my mom hates me. I told her how I think I got a 4.0 this semester (itā€™s my first year of high school) and all she said was ā€œoh. Thatā€™s cool.ā€ She just doesnā€™t care. She thinks Iā€™m going to get pregnant too. Iā€™ve had a boyfriend for over 2 years and I admit I have had sex. But, he doesnā€™t pressure me and we are always safe. We use condoms and have it only before my period because i know Iā€™m not ovulating then or close to it. I wanted to tell my mom when I first started having it so she could put me on birth control but I canā€™t talk to her about anything without her telling A. I get so upset and I envy all my friends because they have tight bonds with their moms. I wish I had that. I canā€™t even tell her I miss my dad because she gets mad. I just need someone to talk to. I want to join counseling or therapy but I donā€™t know how.