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No it’s not normal. It’s also strange as hell that your child is around her when you haven’t really even been around her
Boyfriend’s best friend.
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. He’s been best friends with this girl for 7 years. I know men and women can be friends. I just find things..weird.
So first, they have had sex at least a few times (he says before me, I’m not sure). They talk all day everyday. There have been numerous times I’ve been doing something with him and she wants to do something so he will invite her too and she refuses. Because I’m there. I have 0 relationship with her. Barely have ever seen her in person.
The other day he went out with her and two other people and didn’t respond to me for 3 hours, so I drove to his house at 3:30 in the morning. I called him first, as I was down the road because I watched her pull into his driveway with him with food. She looked pissed to see me but I had to leave due to going back to work. He was high (weed) as fuck. They get high and drink together. They see each other at least once a week, but usually it’s several times. I’m never included. She’s always there super late into the night.
Once I read in their messages “can you get what’s on the coffee table and bring it down to me?” While he was in the shower..I don’t know what was on the coffee table.
She also told him that her boyfriend made her choose between him and my boyfriend and she picked my boyfriend...because he “means so much” to her.
There are years worth of stories that have made me uncomfortable.
Most recently, he cleared his PARENTS garage out of his stuff. He then told me that there is now enough space to park a car and his friend is going to use the garage. I’m sorry, what? Why in the fuck does your friend feel comfortable with even asking that?
We have a daughter together, she’s 3. He has brought her around our daughter because I work nights and she comes over at night. She gave him a Christmas card that completely didn’t include me at all. I read it when he didn’t see. Now it’s mysteriously missing. Just him and him having a “good Christmas” with our daughter.
And honestly, I find all of this weird. But he doesn’t apparently. And I’m really debating on leaving him because I’m just not comfortable. There are no boundaries for them it seems.
So if you’ve read this far, do you think this is strange? Do you find this normal? Opinions on all of it? I want to talk to him about it, but we’ve had several arguments over her through the years. I do feel something is going on between them and has never stopped but he will never admit that to me.
An edit to a response. Our arguments about her are because I have tried to explain what I’m comfortable and uncomfortable with and I have asked over and over to be included. She doesn’t want me to be. I don’t think he does either, to be honest.
Thank you ladies. I knew it wasn’t normal, but he makes me feel crazy when I bring it up.
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Yeah this is strange. I think you’re right to feel the way you do. I think he is comfortable and she is as well with how they’re doing things and I don’t see it changing. I feel like your feelings don’t matter to them and what they have going on between them. Friends have boundaries when it comes to their relationships, doesn’t seem like there are any boundaries in place. I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone like this and would feel uncomfortable as well. Rule of thumb, if she avoids you it’s because you’re in the way. Any friend would want to make sure they have a solid friendship with their mates S/O. They would see how much that person means to their friend.
Yeah, that’s not normal. There have been a couple times that my husband has hang out with his female friends on his own, but that would only be if I got called into work or something. Most of the time, I’m included in their plans. I have a relationship with all of those friends, even the ones he hooked up with way back in high school (because it was like 10 years ago lol). We all get along great. None of them have given me any reason to feel threatened. Plus, he hardly ever sees his friends 🤷🏻♀️ I would definitely address how you feel. There are boundaries being crossed. I’m all about guys and girls being platonic friends, but your SO shouldn’t be shoved off to the side. Good luck girl 🤞🏻
What is strange is that he only knew her a year longer than you but they have stories and you aren't friends with her. If they are that close of friends, you gals should be friends with each other or at least communicated your distaste or SOMETHING. He hasnt known her much longer than you and shouldnt have much more history with her than you. Feels like you guys should all talk it out and you say what you aren't comfortable with or add that you want to be included, etc...but I am all for giving someone the benefit if the doubt.
There’s nothing wrong with having friends of any sex, but this is blurring the lines. I’d be concerned too. Mostly because he doesn’t see the issue with it. I had a friend in a similar situation. They broke up in the end. I’m pretty sure he was cheating on her too (he lived with his girl best friend). You don’t deserve to be made to feel crazy.
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