Long read!!

Okay, so I have a step son who I love dearly. I’ve known him since he was 1 1/2 and I’ve trying to gain his affection since. He has a tough situation since he’s bounces from house to house. He lives with his mother full time but comes over every weekend. He has a strained relationship with his dad( I know he loves his dad) he makes it seem like it’s a burden to come visit him. He spends most of the visit with me, I always try to make him feel welcomed, loved and comfortable.

He’s 11 years old now and I was feeling like I was finally getting to form a bond with him. He told me that his mom talks bad about me and his dad. But mostly me, he says that he is now able to see for himself that’s she’s lying about my character, he says hes fighting an internal battle where he likes me but can’t because his mom tells him not to. He’s still distant, and I know he will always try to please his mom.

I had my daughter in July and he loves her so much which I’m so happy about. He said he didn’t mention to his mom anything about his sister because he knows how she is. But he’s unreliable as he says that he has to constantly lie to his mom to avoid her nagging. He says he’s and “expert at lying” which is concerning because I don’t know whether he’s also lying to me.

He’s a extreme parent/ people pleaser. He can’t make his own decisions and is constantly trying to do anything to please his dad. Which I’m assuming is what he has to do at home to please his mom (or to survive),He knows what he wants to do but is putting his needs aside to please others. I have been working on this with him for a long time I’ve bought him books on developing self esteem etc. and still nothing, my heart breaks for him because these folks usually end up in toxic codependent relationships.

He says his mom is constantly fighting with her people pleasing husband and they are both under her control.

I love him, But I am afraid to get hurt honestly, every time I give him affection or I feel like we are having a breakthrough he reverts back to his old ways or goes back into his shell. And I feel hurt and that all of my time and hard work has been in vein. Ive been at this for 9years, I’m happy at the stage that we are now because it was worse when he was younger 😐

I’ve been dealing with this for years, I don’t know what to do because I can’t stop myself from loving him but at the same time I don’t want to get hurt. Cuz I know he will do anything to please his mom including casting me aside as he does done before.

I don’t know what to do to protect my heart y’all... any advice is welcomed.