Should we go? (Description)

I’m so beyond stressed about this decision. My husband and I live across the country from his family (like, we’re on one coast and they’re on the other... it’s a 6 hour flight). His mom is super emotionally abusive and pulls something every time we go out there, even if we try to avoid seeing her... last time when we weren’t even planning to see her, she literally showed up at the freaking airport unannounced so we had no choice but to see her when we got off the plane!

The only reason for visiting at this point is his grandmother is old and has dementia. My husband is extremely close to his grandmother, and I’ve gotten really close to her the past few years too (I call her “grandma” and we talk on the phone about once a week).

Right now, his grandmother lives about 2 hours away from his mom (so it would be “possible” to visit his grandmother without seeing his mom... though I’m sure she’ll still manage to pull something, she always does) and no it’s not possible to keep the visit a secret from his mom, because his grandma will tell his dad who will tell his mom, and his dad will want to see him and AGH.

Anyway, I’ve been having some health problems lately... both physical and psychological, and the idea of doing a cross-country flight is giving me SO much anxiety. We thought about waiting until I’m doing better.

BUT, curveball, now we find out that grandma is moving in with mom in a couple months! So if we want to visit grandma with any chance of avoiding his mom, we have to go within the next month or 2. Another thing is, his grandma has a diamond ring that has been in her family for generations and she says she doesn’t trust his mom to not take it and sell it (grandma recognizes she’s not “with it” all of the time) and is begging us to come take it before she moves, so that she’ll know the ring is safe with us.

I’m terrified to fly based on my health lately. But I do really want to see grandma, AND I think I’m equally terrified of sending my husband there alone, when his mom will potentially be extra horrible because she knows I’m not there to help protect him.

What would you do? 😞