I just need to vent.

I’m in College. I’m actually a Junior. I commute to school. At first I was attending a CUNY school in Brooklyn (it was a two hour commute) and I wasn’t very involved with student life activities. We didn’t have much going on anyway. Now I’ve transferred to a private school (I had to take out a loan for financial aid but it’s not a lot thanks to grants). I’m realizing how much I’ve missed out and how much I’m going to continue to miss out on things. I wish I was dorming. I always thought I would be. I started college at 17, my mother wouldn’t let me dorm. Once I was legally an adult I spoke to a counselor about dorming but I will be buried in student loans if I decided to dorm so I chose not too. I have to work to provide for myself. 8 hour evening-night shifts. This means I will miss out on most of the college activities I would LOVE to attend. Laser Tag, Spa Night, Movie Night, etc. I wish I didn’t have to work. I wish I could just ENJOY being in college. My mother never created a college fund for me. She told my uncle that until she dies, her money is for her and she won’t ever put away money for us. When she’s gone, we split whatever she has left behind but while she’s alive, it’s all for her. That’s why I don’t have a college fund. That’s why I can’t dorm (along with her being controlling and manipulative). That’s why I most likely won’t ever enjoy my years in college. Because she’s selfish.

And before you say anything, this was just to vent. This is the life that I live and I will “get over it”, I will pull through and I will do things differently for my future children but I am allowed to feel sorry for myself JUST A LITTLE BIT.