I need help

My thoughts of wanting to leave

I can’t go to my school anymore, it is hell

I can’t switch to homeschool because I don’t have enough credits and homeschool doesn’t give credits

I’m depressed, and always dissociated, having no one to talk to, even tho that would not help

How to escape

To solve all my problems

I try to smoke weed and it makes me anxious

Mom won’t buy me a CBD vape pen to calm my anxiety when that’s the only thing that works

What is anxiety?? Why does it exist?? Why don’t I have motivation to do my work in school?? Why doesn’t my therapist answer my moms calls?? Having suicidal thoughts every now and then. Can bare another day, i haven’t done any of my homework, I have no motivation I’ll value to nothing in the future anyways, not gonna make it past 18 I feel. Pray for me, maybe that’ll work. People don’t like me, I feel ugly and disliked by everyone. I feel like everyone hates me. Even my mom. I need a boyfriend, to take these thoughts away. I need a loving affection staple. What do I do about school? How to leave, should I run away?