Anal play??? HELP!

**PLEASE DONT GIVE ME HATE**

Okay so I’ve been with my husband for 5 years and I HATE doing anything anal (on me) it always hurts and I overthink literally everything so it just makes me extremely uncomfortable.... well my husband had started (in the last two years) asking me to grab his butt or some times when he’s jacking off he will grab my hand and put it in his butt. And want me to play or finger his ass. And I like that he likes it... but it makes me uncomfortable.... I get anxiety after it... and I just feel weird. But usually when we do that he will cum and then just go to sleep or do something else. I never get anything out of it. He never touches me after or makes sure I’m taken care of... idk what’s wrong with me?!

I was raised SUPER SUPER conservative. So I think that might be a factor is that it kinda feels wrong to me... in an extremely fucked up way it makes me see him as less masculine...

Any advice or anything I need help..