I guess I just need to vent somewhere. My ex husband and I have 2 kids together. We’ve been separated since December 2017 and our divorce was final in July 2018. From the time he left my house until about 6 months ago, he hasn’t been in our children’s lives. I waived child support in the divorce and got sole custody of the kids as he had left the state and changed his phone number and it was clear he had no intentions of being involved. Our kids were 2 and 1 when he left, they didn’t even really know him.

When he moved out of my house, he immediately moved in with his girlfriend and she got pregnant within the first month which, it is what it is, that’s his business and I’m not salty. Except that his girlfriend doesn’t understand her place. She’s very pushy and sticks her nose in my business. Over the course of a year and a half, he did not reach out to me a single time about seeing our kids but she made multiple social media accounts and harassed me regularly about letting “them” be involved with the kids. No word whatsoever from my ex (who was not blocked on all social media.) Anyway, in July, I had it in my heart to reach out to him. My message was simple. “If you’d like to talk about seeing the kids, I’m willing to talk,” to which he replied “thank you.”

Well, he wanted to change the parenting plan, he wanted visitation etc etc and I was okay with that. No argument on my part. But we went ahead and reintroduced the kids to him and started doing supervised visitation pretty much every weekend so they could get to know each other again.

So over the course of these past few months, we submitted a partial parenting plan and the court ordered a mediation session where we could sit with a mediator and try to agree on issues we hadn’t originally agreed on. We were able to completely lay out a parenting plan and visitation schedule with no argument whatsoever. We were both very pleased with the time sharing we laid out, with him getting every other weekend, a nightly visit throughout the week, and splitting holidays. The only two things we didn’t agree on was IRS exemption (who could claim the children on their taxes. They live primarily with me, I’m the one who takes off work when they’re sick, I’m the one who buys all their clothes, school supplies, groceries, EVERYTHING they need, so I do not give him permission to claim them on his taxes because I know they won’t see a dime of that money) and child support. The state is in control of the child support, we had a representative on the phone during our mediation session who laid out both of our pay rates, responsibilities, all the factors that will determine how much he should pay in child support. Everything could’ve been done that day when we submitted the plan but “No, we will let the judge decide.” Fine. He’s going to tell you exactly what the lady on the phone said but whatever. So we get a letter that we have a child support hearing coming up where this will all be settled.

I have already started letting him see them without me the weekend before Christmas as I had just had a baby and they had a few months to get to know each other so I felt comfortable letting them go with him without me. Not overnight, just a day of hanging out and he brings them back to me or I pick them up. So he had them today and when he drops them off he says “would you be opposed to splitting the overnights 50/50?” I was like “what you want to get them during the week?” He says “no we can still use the same parenting plan we just change the plan with the court so we both get 50% of overnights a year.” I was like... so you’d have them during the week... and he tells me no it’s only like this because of the holidays... so I wouldn’t get them during holidays? He’s like “no you’re not understanding me. The only reason I’m gonna have to pay child support is because you have the majority of overnights. We can still use the same plan but I want to change it where it says I get 50% of overnights so I don’t have to pay so much child support because I can’t afford it.”

So you want to lie to the court and say you get them more than you do so that you don’t have to pay child support.... yeah no. How is that even an option? I’m just really stressed out and pissed off that he would suggest it. He doesn’t buy them anything or offer money for me to get them the things they need. I take care of them by myself. And he doesn’t want to pay child support, but he still wants me to take care of them the majority of the time. Like it’s too late for that. If you didn’t want to pay child support, you could’ve stayed gone instead of letting your girlfriend run your life and push you to be involved. And if you had a problem with the parenting plan then why did you sign it during mediation and agree to everything we laid out? Just wtf??