we're both 19 and our 2 year anniversary is in a week. I don't know why, but for the past few weeks I've been really preoccupied with the idea of marriage/just being proposed to. Maybe it's just from too much time spent on eve, idk..

I'm very, very aware that we're both still ungodly young and many things are potentially subject to change, but I really do long for that comfort/safety that comes with marriage. I guess I'm just a little insecure. Also the absolute surprise of being proposed to seems really appealing (obviously).

I've thrown the idea around of getting an opal ring around here and there, with no direct links to anything, of course. Even if he never gets me one, I still want to get one myself at some point. I kind of tested the waters at the idea of promise rings (I just mentioned how our friends got some, so it wasn't a vulnerable thing on my part) and he seemed to find them silly. We haven't really talked about marriage in the context of us much of ever, but he does know how scared I am of failed marriages. I know he truly and wholeheartedly believes that marriages will always work only if both parties are willing to do the upkeep (which makes me want to marry him even more!).

With our 2 year anniversary coming up, I kind of want to have a mildly formal date of sorts and talk about the future. He's a very go-with-the-flow/idc type of guy, and I'm kind of worried I'm gonna come across as pushy or eager. I just want a gauge of what his timeline looks like in his head, but I'm not sure if he really has that sorted yet.

What's kind of the groundwork before marriage? I feel like people make it a bigger deal than it really is. Do you really have to be living together asap? What about school? We both graduated highschool last year, and we're taking a gap year. Things get a little messy when it comes to when either of us are thinking about college and finding stable, non-miserable jobs.

Another thing is that role reversal/defying gender norms is a big value for us. So I wonder - should I take on the role of proposing? He's also so much more anxious than he lets on to be, so I wonder if taking that off his plate would make him feel better or worse. But sitting down and seriously having this talk is scary. I know he's my partner who unconditionally loves and respects me, but that doesn't stop my anxiety expecting the absolute worst.

What are some other ideas I can run by him for filling my needs for surprise and extra security? I want to help him help me with something a lot less drastic.

I hate my breasts ):