I typed this fast because it’s something I’ve wanted to say for years and... I think I can here. I’m not sure if it makes sense, and I’m aware I’m kinda reusing a different version of a metaphor of sorts if you’ve seen it before, so I don’t wanna hear it.

Dad,

I’m not in a place where I can meet with you right now. I can’t.

You need to understand the fact that I just need time, space, and for you to stop tying to control everything.

Let me put it this way:

Let’s say you bought a piece of vintage china. It’s hand painted, has specific needs, and is different from the other china pieces you have collected over time.

Now throw it on the floor.

Is it broken?

Say sorry to it.

Did it change anything? Did it go back to the way it was?

Do you understand now?

That cup, it’s unique. Just like every relationship in your life. That cup is ours, our relationship as a normal father and daughter.

You broke that cup so many times and re-glued it, taped it, repainted it.

No matter how hard you try, it will never be the same. Parts of that relationship begin to change and chip away. You, eventually, can’t fix it.

Dad. I’ve really tried to hold out hope that you would change. But that’s just how you are weather you mean it to be or not. I can’t change that. Neither can you it looks like. People can’t change unless they want to.

You broke this cup one too many times.

Now. We have two options.

1) You throw the cup away, keep its memory, whatever. You move on with life, and you live with the collection you previously had.

Or

2) get a new cup. A new one. Better yet, make it yourself. You have to put in effort. It might take a few tries. You might have to get your hands dirty and learn some new things to do that, but that’s okay. While the cup will never be the same as the original, it’s there. If you truly want a new cup, a relationship, then the expense will be worth it.

So there.

We can build something new;

But I won’t be made part of your loop of misery any more. I want a relationship with you, I want a father, but only if it can be done in a healthy manner.

That’s all.