Need Advice

Ok this is going to be pretty long:

So, I desperately need advice. Since this summer, I’ve been in a really bad place in my life. My mental health with my depression, anxiety, and ptsd has been about as bad as you can imagine. My family is dysfunctional but I still have no choice but to depend on them. School is stressful. I’m also very ill. I have chronic issues, I just got over mono, and I’m trying to see what’s going on with another thing by going to the doctor. It seems like it could be something really serious. All of this together just makes it so difficult and I’m never happy. But this summer, that changed. I have been in abusive homes growing up and all this has been going on for a while, so I always told myself it’s ok I’m being strong and learning so that someday I’ll be so happy it will make up for it all. I was at the point where I was begging whatever higher power there is to have mercy and just please show me a sign, give me something, someone, to tell me my someday begins today because I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I was ready to start my life. Then, as if it was a romantic fairytale, I met a man. I was on vacation with a friend, and we were checking out the lifeguards at the water park, and he was one of them. He is gorgeous so naturally he was getting a lot of female attention and loving it. I felt drawn to him, not just cause he’s cute, and my friend and I were talking about him. We got his Instagram and messaged him, fully expecting him to be like yeah ok get lost, but no he was super sweet and friendly. He and I started talking a lot and it was just amazing, we had an instant connection. He is so charismatic and charming. Well, I went for it, and started flirting. Things just went on from there and we started sexting. It was really fun, honestly lol. But, it was still early on and I didn’t want to be impulsive or looking for attention, and I wasn’t sure what his intentions were so I decided to tell him we should stop, being honest as to why. And again, he was the sweetest. He said we could just keep talking. Well, I had found out earlier that he was here working in America for the summer, but he is from another country. He only had a little bit of time left, and he was going to travel as a tourist for a bit with his friends then figure things out to go home. So he was pretty busy doing that, then he needed time to settle in and stuff. He told me we would have more time to talk when he was home. But time passed and we still weren’t, so I was like whats going on just tell me. And he said he was busier than he thought he would be and he got a new girlfriend. That shattered me. He said he was spending his free time with her and he wouldn’t have time for me anymore. I probably shouldn’t have, but it was just so hard not to so I would still message him just to see if he could talk maybe for a little bit. He blocked me. Then unblocked me and told me his girlfriend didn’t want him talking to other girls. She seems like a nasty, no good person and he deserves better. We had agreed that he would unblock me and I could just follow him. Well I messed up again and would message him. But he also kept promising we would talk and he didn’t. I really needed to talk to him because I was so confused about our relationship and it was driving me crazy. But he got upset and said some harsh things. That night, things took a turn for the worst, and I was going to do something really bad. But I messaged him and he stopped me. He told me we should just go to sleep and promised we would talk the next day. I told him not to break my trust and he told me not to worry. So I did that. He was the only thing that kept me from drastic measures. But the next day when I woke up, he had messaged me one last time, then blocked me again and changed his username. I know he had seen his girlfriend the night before too. I was heartbroken. I still am. It has been so hard and I really just miss him making me happy and feeling like it was all ok. I have never loved anyone like I love him. I just want to be by his side and support him in all his endeavors. I want to know him better than anyone else and show him all of myself, and accept his imperfections because he’s still human but he’s perfect in my eyes. I’ve been told he was just using me, but the way we talked just doesn’t seem to line up with that. I opened up to him about my struggles and all on his own he told me he believed in me. I think his girlfriend is manipulating him and he doesn’t want to go against her. He’s changed since they’ve been together and he was so much sweeter before. I don’t feel like this is really him. I’ve messaged him only once since this happened just asking for an explanation on why he was being so cruel to do this to me. He hasn’t answered or blocked that account so I don’t know what’s going on, maybe he’s just ignoring me. Everyone tells me to move on and let him go. And I know I should be happy by myself, which I’m working on. But he is the one who keeps me fighting and looking at the bright side of life to do that. I need him to love me through it. I can’t just let him go, I’ve tried so hard to just focus on myself and even used some not so good methods with other guys. But I always think of him and cry when I lay down to sleep at night. He’s the one who is truly special in my heart. Even if he doesn’t want a romantic relationship like I do, just his friendship and having him in my life means everything to me. I told him that too. I don’t want to lose him forever but I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone have any advice for me? Please help... 😢