Help-abusive mother is back? (Long post sorry)
I finally cut my abusive mother out. (SOME MINOR DETAIL EDITS)
Shes not made any threats that I know of (recent voicemail unlistened to). I have not actually heard her voice since I've cut her out. But I recognize this pattern, I've seen her do things like this in the past and it escalates fast.
After several years with no calls shes trying to call me. She somehow found a way to leave a voicemail (I blocked her). Honestly it's been a decade since she's been a physical threat because I ran away and then as a damaged adult kind of fell into her gaslight trap that it was my fault we had a bad relationship.
A decade ago our paths separated when she realized I didnt want to live with her anymore and she ATTEMPTED TO: run me over 3 times, stab me, beat me with heavy metal objects... and successfully ended up scarring my arms by using her long nails as weapons and gouging out as much flesh as she could. Then when I left it was slow guilting about how much shes missed me how much shes changed etc. And abused me emotionally from a distance the last 10 years.
Now that I've taken out of her life shes lost her hold or control of me. I fear she could move to drastic measures. She has nothing to lose, shes homeless and most everyone in our lives has distanced themselves from her. When she scarred my arms she was trying to gouge at my face. For some reason my gut feeling is that she wants to disfigure me. She in the past had said things about how I should be ugly on the outside if I'm ugly on the inside (meaning basically if I dont let her get her way). I wouldnt put it past her to do something drastic like throw boiling water or acid at me/my face. Shes bragged in the past about slapping people with razor blades between her fingers. I have decent self defence but crazy is so hard to fight.
She doesnt know where I live (I'm in the same town just moved). She probably doesnt remember where I work (shes narcissistic and remembers nothing of what doesnt revolve around her or make her look good). But there are ways she can find things out. She can ask those who haven't cut her out. She could surprise me and remember where I work. I cant do a restraining order because shes shown in the past shes not scared of the courts and that would give her the addresses to my regular locations for her to stay X feet away from.
I've informed my boss but I dont feel so safe when I'm about. Shes homeless and lives in her car, so she has a method for driving around to hunt for me if she wants (shes done it in the past.)
I'm afraid of her recognizing me and hurting me. Is there anything more I can do? I'm now considering dying my hair. When my husband finishes school in a smidge over a year we can leave this area of the state entirely, but we cant just up and leave.
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.