Why do I do this to myself..

Every month I tell myself this is my month. My month to get that bfp.. I get so confident that I'm gonna get a bfp I mean come on theres nothing wrong with me or my husband. Were young and healthy, and previously conceived a healthy little boy so this whole ttc thing should be a cake walk for us.. were at a good point in our lives to welcome another child.. but for some reason every month we still get those negatives.. Sometimes you just cant explain certain things maybe god wants to teach us a lesson in learning how to wait for something you really want. Maybe he feels like our family isnt ready to grow and maybe he wont bless our family with growth. So when I think these thoughts I appreciate the fact that hes already given me a beautiful and healthy little boy and how lucky am I that hes blessed us with him. Ttc is a struggle and I do believe becoming pregnant with a child is a true gift from god.. no other explanation.