Update below :)

Yesterday we saw my daughter’s pediatrician and for the second visit in a row the doctor thinks my baby hasn’t put on as much weight and he would have liked. She is healthy and always gaining weight but the doctor is wondering if I am producing enough milk. I never need to feed my daughter during the night and in the morning I usually wake up engorged so I figured it was ok. I also have a big stash of milk in the freezer.

Her pediatrician was super kind but started talking to us about formula. I explained to him that I wanted to breastfeed until she was one if I could and he respected my wishes and suggested adding another meal right before bed, for now. Last night my daughter slept better than she ever has after eating a big meal, and I can’t help but wonder if she wasn’t getting enough before.

This morning I took her to daycare and explained that her doctor asked if they could add a yogurt to one of the meals there and they said she eats very well, is not hungry while she’s there and that maybe my milk “just isn’t enough for her anymore”. This broke my heart, I know it’s silly but I was still processing all this and now I’m feeling terrible. I’m ready to just throw in the towel already, it’s already hard enough as it is with pumping while at work and all that, and it’s not enough.. to make matters worse I’m about to get my period and this always slows down my milk production.

I am tired and getting sick all the time from all the viruses going around at daycare and now I feel like I’ve been pushing myself to breastfeed until now just to end up giving up. I’m so sad 😢 also where I live breastfeeding is not as encouraged as it is in some other countries so I already don’t feel supported at all. Now on top of all this I have to deal with the guilt of having starved my baby without knowing and not allowing her to develop as well as she could have.

I used to pump many times a day even when I was with my daughter just to increase my milk production but I gradually stopped doing that as I’m exhausted. Breastfeeding is such a special moment between my baby and I, I’m having a hard time thinking it might end so abruptly. The mom guilt is real 😭😭😭

****** update

Thank you all so much for your comments, it meant so much to me. I wanted to reply to each of them individually but haven’t had a second to myself today. I was so sad, but reading your words of encouragement made me feel a lot better and gave me a lot of strength to keep going. Thank you also so much for the advice, you all made great points and reassured me greatly. I am definitely going to continue trying my best 💪🤱🏻❤️