I don't know if any of you read it, but in July 2018, just a couple short weeks after we found out that we were expecting our rainbow baby boy, I had discovered a bunch of stuff out about my fiance. And I made this post.

Everyone told me to leave, it'd never get better. And then I gave him another chance. Because I love him. Because I didn't want to leave his son, and I wanted to try, for the baby that was growing inside me. Then, I found more stuff. Twice. While still pregnant. Then again after my boy was born. Then AGAIN last September.

Well, in September, I packed up our son and I and we spent a week at my parents. He admitted, he had a problem. It was a mental addiction, talking to girls online, sending & receiving pictures & videos. He was addicted, to porn. So we tried the therapy. We went together, a few times. Then he lost his well paying job due to lack of work. And we could no longer afford the $200/hr every two weeks.

I thought we'd be okay. At least until we could afford it again. Until we could get back to therapy. But come end of November, I found more of the same stuff. Ok, stress from our financial situation I told myself. He slipped. It's okay. We're okay. We can get through this.

The last couple weeks, he's been hiding his phone. Not a lot, but he'd always have a reason not to let me have it. "gotta reply to my mom" " want to listen to music while i do dishes" little things. I woke up at 4:30am last night, after a dream of catching him with someone. So I checked his phone, again. And of course, my suspicions were right. But he had gotten smarter, sneakier. I knew he was deleting some of his history, I could tell. He'd install snapchat, sign in, do this crap, uninstall it, & repeat. But he forgot to delete the emails that said he was signing in. And when you installed the app, it remembered his username & password.

I told him with every addiction, there's a point when enough is enough. And I'm passed my point. And I don't know what to do now. I've tried so damn hard to keep my family together. To trust him again. But I just can't. I can't keep letting my heart get torn out. I can't keep second guessing every time I hear his phone go off. And I can't let our son, or my step son, think this kind of relationship is okay. I can't keep feeling like I wasn't good enough

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. To have more babies with him. For our family to grow together. I was done. He was it. He was my one & only. I didn't have to search anymore.

Where the fuck do I go from here.