I know I don't have the guts to tell you this in person because you still make me nervous. Just to have you in front of me looking at me. I don't want to annoy you so I'll make this as short as possible. I lied to you. You apologized for hurting my feelings but I told you that you did not. You did but I don't blame you only myself. I put myself in that situation no one forced me to. I told you I stopped talking to you because of my own mess which is true. What I left out is that you were part of that mess. I desperately needed someone to be there for me and I wanted that person to be you but I had to get it through my head that it wasn't gonna be you so I needed time away from you. It's not your fault that I feel empty inside. That I wake up wishing I could stay asleep forever. I was already broken way before you showed up. You just broke me a bit more. I am hurting. But not just from you. The truth is I've been this way for a long time now. Things don't make me smile anymore. I haven't been with anyone else because I feel like I'm not worth their time. I'm not good enough. Not good enough for you or anyone else. I talk to God hoping one of these days he'll answer but I don't think he's been listening. I feel so alone. I don't have friends. My parents don't listen or want to either. I'm not close to anyone . Just me talking to myself. Because that's all I have. That's all I've ever had.

I've thought about telling you how I feel so many times and in so many ways but at the end of the day I know you don't care. So all of this typing is useless because ill never tell you and you'll never know how much it fucking hurts to give yourself to someone and have them leave you anyways. Why wasn't I good enough. That shit keeps going through my head. Why was I not good enough. What's wrong with me. was I not good. You'll never know any of this because my pride is too big and I'll bury this shit deep. I hope that in this upcoming year I can finally let you go. Maybe even find my worth. Maybe I will finally stop hating myself.