Should I tell my husband I was raped?

Question

Last night during sex my husband said the same phrase the rapist said when he raped me. I tried not to let it phase me, understanding my husband doesn't know about the rape. Afterwards I asked if he could please not say that phrase whenever we have sex. He was very nice and said of course. Then I started to tear up and he asked what was wrong. I wouldn't tell him and just said I was fine and I think he got irritated that I wouldn't tell him. 
The rape happened while he was in boot camp and I was in my first year of college. (A few years ago). We were dating then. Obviously I wasn't going to write him to tell him, and when I would see him that's not what I wanted to focus on. I just kept it buried inside. 
I'm conflicted... Should I tell him about it? I feel like he would get mad at me if he knew, or that he would blame me and want to leave. It makes me feel dirty and very ashamed, also because it happened when I went out with some girl friends to a club, so I guess I blame myself a little. I'm just so afraid of what he will say or think...but I hate keeping things from him. What should I do? Please help!

Answer

You are not obligated to tell him. And you should not feel bad for keeping it to yourself if you choose not to do so.

However, I am assuming that you trust him and it sounds like you want to share with him. And it might help the two of you avoid situations like this in the future.

So just sit down and pour it out. Make sure he understands that shame (though absolutely misguided) kept you from telling him sooner and not an inability to trust him.

And lastly, it isn't your fault. Chances are you wouldn't look at another woman and tell her she is to blame for her rape. So afford yourself the same courtesy you would offer a stranger. Please.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. And if you aren't already, you might consider seeing a therapist.

Answer

You should tell him, he should 100% understand it's a huge thing to go through. If he gets mad or leaves, you deserve way better than that.

Answer

Yes tell him. You are only hurting your relationship by keeping it to yourself.

Answer

I think a relationship built on openness is great. Firstly I'm really sorry for your experience, there is never ever a reason you should blame yourself. It's not your fault. You didn't go out to get raped. So I think the first thing you need to do is to go for counselling?  More than anything I think your man will be really supportive of you in this journey of healing. I really think you should let him in.

Answer

I think you should tell him. It would be very hard for me to be able to over
What happened to me if I hadn't told my boyfriend

Answer

Tell him for sure. I don't think you can heal without telling him💕 I think he will surprise you with his support.

Answer

I'm not really sure why you haven't told him... I couldn't imagine hiding something so significant from my wife and I would hope she feels the same vice versus. He is your husband and will lend support and understanding

Answer

I'm so sorry about this. It's horrible that this happened to you. First and foremost non of that was your fault. Rape is about someone trying to take power from you and dominate you. Don't feel ashamed. You are strong for having survived it . Now for telling your husband about it, the decision is ultimately up to you, but if it were me I would tell my husband. I would do it because there should be no secrets between us. I would do it because is know my husband would understand that it wasn't my fault. I would do it because I would now have a support system whenever I needed it. Your husband won't blame you for what happened or be mad at your for what happened. He will be mad that this horrible thing happened to you. But all secrets do is cause stress in a relationship. This secret still causes stress, don't let it stress your relationship. I hope everything works out. And again non of that was your fault. Don't blame yourself at all.

Answer

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Know that it was not your fault! It's something that is still affecting you, so I think it would be a good time to bring it up. He probably won't be too surprised when you tell him because the hurt and tears happened during/right after sex and that's a big indicator that the stress comes from that. He will definitely understand and I think it will make you feel so much better having it in the open so he can support you. GL.

Answer

You don't have to tell him, but it seems like you have a relationship where you could share that openly.

Please know that it was not your fault, and the blame should not be placed on you.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Should I tell my husband I was raped?

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