Unmotivated, insecure, and jealous
That’s my husband in a nutshell. He’s my high school sweetheart and we were best friends dor over 11 years before dating again and getting married almost three years ago.
Early on I made excuses for his lack of motivation to do anything and his half-assed effort in everything because he’s a medically retired veteran who can’t work who was in a horrible marriage before ours. They never did anything together because she never wanted to do anything with him but she took and spent his money religiously.
So I told myself it’s a phase, he’s just not used to being motivated or having the opportunities we have together or even the freedom to pursue any of his ways and seems. He’s been working on an amazing book for years but has gone months/years with little to no effort writing then complains that he’s not motivated to write.
I’m working my second masters, while pregnant, own 2 small businesses, working on a coaching certification, and always looking for new things to learn and do. He’s the total opposite but makes every excuse for his lack of effort.
I didn’t know, my parents didn’t raise me that way, I never had a mentor, I don’t like research, I’m bad at writing, its so overwhelming.... and on and on. Then wants ME to keep him motivated, on task, remind him of what he needs to do, read everything and listen to every idea otherwise he can’t and won’t do a thing.
Now, I’m excited about my classes and have an academic rivalry with a guy classmate (online learning) and my husband wants to “playfully” remind me how insecure and jealous he is then tell me it’s my fault because I’m so accomplished and he’s done nothing with his life.
Idk If it’s the hormones but I’m at my limit with the excuses, the negativity, the broken promises to do better, the dependence on me and the woe is me attitude. If he keeps this up idk how we’re going to make it!
Yes we’ve done counseling and he got mad at the suggestion that he should be more independent of me and seek his own passions in life. His response? I have no passion, I’m fine with how my life is and whatever I don’t do, oh well....
But that’s not true otherwise I wouldn’t be stuck with his woe is me, PROUD insecurities, and constant dependence on me for everything.
It didn’t start off this way... and I’m having my first child.... WTF?!