So Oct 2018 I had an ectopic pregnancy and had surgery 15/10/18 to remove my right Fallopian tube and baby b inside, after months of waiting, grieving , we decided to try again in the July 2019, first period since, first time of trying and we conceived! Over the moon but scared, scared of another ectopic, we went for a scan and the sac could be seen and we booked another scan a week later, we saw baby bows heart beat, strong heartbeat. Our dating scan arrived at 10.5 weeks on the 15/10/19, however baby bows heartbeat had stopped around 8 weeks. I was devastated, how could this be, we had seen the heartbeat. I had surgery to remove our baby as my body had not miscarried . I already have two boys but however much I love them and already have kids it doesn't make it better. My partner has now decided he doesn't want to try again as he can't go through the heartache again, but I'm desperate! We have talked long and hard, he even suggested getting the snip! I mean why, I don't get it he wanted the other baby's and now he says he's got no maternal desire for another child, he's a funeral director by background and admits to detaching himself from his feelings, could this be why? He's never cried for baby bow but did for baby b. He knows how incomplete I feel, sad, lonely, jealous, angry, betrayed. Yet he loves me and won't try again, he says we need to be happy with what we have got but I can't, I try, but every day every single day it's all I think about! Am I going crazy, I don't know I just feel so incomplete. Iv asked we revisit the conversation in a few months and see if he feels different, he's agreed not to get the snip but doesn't want to give me false hope, n when we have sex if we have sex makes sure he withdraws as scared of getting me pregnant. I just don't know what to do I want to try now I don't want to

Wait, I want to plan trying or have the hope but if I try talk about it it causes an argument and he says I'm pressuring him.