In random order, here we go:

You decided to forgive him. I'm sorry you didn't know about my daughter while I was pregnant and I'm sorry he married you knowing we had a child on the way. You decided to forgive him so stop calling me looking for answers I cannot give you. I know my feelings do not matter but I was hurt too. I can't answer your questions from a place of pain but also because I didn't cause this. I have questions of my own and I have had to let it go because my daughter is way more important than us but I'm still very sorry.

Baby daddy, I forgive you for being absent (and for being a manipulative liar)but I can only hope you'll come around soon and your daughter will forgive you too. I know I've screamed your head off in the past but with each scream I'd tell you how much your daughter needs you. I do not need you, she does. I don't know if you hate me but I do know in order for this to work for our child, you need to come around! You need to be present.

Children, I'm sooooo sorry I came from a lost home with no father. No communication and no teaching. I was raised in toughness not in love. I'm sorry my introduction to parenting did not help me realize that settling down first and having all 3 of you with 1 person would make life less confusing for ya'll. I'm not making excuses but I didn't know then what I know now and I will do my absolute best to make sure I show yall better from now on. My eldest, my sweetest boy, you may be questioning why you are not home with me and your sisters. When you were 3 years old I couldn't pay the bills. I could barely feed you, cloth you, or keep the lights on. I sent you with your father because my family wouldn't help. We're not the closest family but we've gotten a lot better over the years. I can only hope that in due time we'll spend some time together again before you are a high school graduate and off to college. You helped me learn myself and what I want in life. I know you have so many questions and I promise when the time is right I will answer every single one of them! Every last one! Until then, do not believe those who tell you that I do or did not care about you or that I didn't want you. My struggle isn't your struggle and I did what I had to do to make sure you did not go without. I love you and I ALWAYS will!

Ma, mother, mommy. I know you struggled as teen mother and things were trial and error with me. I didn't always get you in peace but the pieces I got from you were not healed, cold, and very mean. To this day I don't understand how between myself, my brother, and sister, I got a different you. Regardless, I love you. So many things I had to figure out and learn on my own and we were not always close but I'm so glad that you are working on building the correct relationship with your granddaughters. In the midst of this, I'm still learning how to respond to you. I know in your presence I come across as mean and cold. Maybe even moody, I'm sorry. I was this way growing up (so were you) and I'm still learning what I can let go of. What no longer has to be part of me. I'm a work in progress but I'll get there. Baby steps. I'm sorry but also, I forgive you.

Finally, dear self, I'm sorry! I don't know what else to say but sorry.

God it feels really good to get this off my chest and out into a space of good vibrations. Letting go of negativity and letting peace, happiness, and joy come in.

❤