I'm not sure why I'm posting this really... just looking for encouragement I guess. Most people in my life just look at me and say "well you're the one that wanted babies so bad"...

Yes I did/do. We have 3 angel babies. We also have a 2 year old son and newborn twin girls.

I could just be feeling sorry for myself but I just feel really overwhelmed and constantly on the verge of tears.

Our twin girls turned 1 month today.

Both girls had lip and tongue ties and had the small surgery to get them fixed. Recovery included painful stretches every few hours (day and night) to keep the wound open for 2 weeks.

At 1 week old the smallest twin contracted the coronavirus (not the same strain as the China one). She was hospitalized for several days.

When she got home she had a bad case of thrush and quickly gave it to her sister. We're still treating it.

Shortly after we found out the other twin has a hole in her heart and a heart murmur.

Shortly after that we found out one twin was “highly allergic” to milk/dairy, breastmilk, and most formulas. She is basically colic/cries and spits up all day long. She’s still showing a lot of symptoms of being uncomfortable, but it takes a few weeks for it to get out of her system. We’ll know in a couple weeks, fingers crossed. 

Shortly after all of that our poor 2 year old was diagnosed with Croup, Pink Eye, and an ear infection all at the same time.

Then, earlier this week the smaller twin was admitted to the hospital again - this time with RSV. A few days later her twin sister also tested positive for RSV. So I'm here sitting in the childrens hospital with both twins.

Our 2 year old isn't allowed in the hospital (no kids under 12 allowed unless they're the patient). We have no family here and not a lot of people that can help. All of the shuffling around has greatly affected him. He has autism. So many of the aggressive behaviors we worked so hard to get rid of have now come back as he deals with all of this schedule instability and changes.

I had a csection and am having complications. Right now I'm on antibiotics but need to get a 2nd scan but can't find time. In the first scan they found out pregnancy may have damaged my liver. I'm in pretty high pain. The day before the twins were born we found out my husband has two masses on his brain. Both of us have been too busy to deal with our health issues, but his terrifies me.

We've been protective of the babies and our house is clean. We're guessing the toddler is bringing home the viruses from daycare.

I can't tell if I have postpartum depression or if it's just circumstances. I want to cry all the time. Leaving my babies in the hospital to switch off with my husband makes me feel like I'm dying. I get so many negative and judgemental comments for feeding my babies formula. Work is yelling at me because I was supposed to be doing some work from home while on maternity leave. I feel like I can't catch my breath.

Anyway, this has all happened in the last 4 weeks. I know everyone has problems and I'm not trying to complain. I feel like I need a 30 minute hug 😥