Losing my virginity

So I've been with my boyfriend for a while, and I've gone pretty far with him (oral, hand job, fingering, etc..) and I want to have sex with him. I know he does too. I trust him completely, and can see a future with him. I've nearly had sex with him twice, but then decided I wasn't ready and told him, which he respects me for. I like going far with him, like doing stuff that is considered foreplay, but I've been too nervous to go all the way. We have condoms, but I also really want to be on the pill when we eventually do have sex. I'm still a teen, so I feel that I need to talk to my mom about going on birth control before I do it, but I don't have the best relationship with my mom, so I don't know how to approach her. also, whenever my boyfriend and I get close to having sex, or whenever I really think about going all the way, I get squeamish. not squeamish like thinking twice, but like I'm incredibly nervous. any advice on any of this would be greatly appreciated.