Loss and miscarriage đź•Šđź’™
Just wanted to share something with you guys.
Today was a very hard day for me , I experienced a miscarriage and a lot of people see it as “ it’ll happen again” , “ you’ll get your time”, but what they don’t see is the pain we go through , that in a few weeks of pregnancy we mock up an entire life , who the baby is going to look like , we start planning the names , what school they would go too, and that’s the loss we suffer . The tears we shed to not welcoming another flow of blood . Where we want to talk about it , scream it, yell it , but all we could do is whisper “ I’m fine “. I had such hope that it would be my rainbow baby . For those who don’t know and take the time to read , I lost my son at 5 days born and this is something I wrote for all grieving mothers , who lost a born baby, who lost a baby on miscarriage . I accompany you in your pain . Gods time is always right and sometimes we don’t get what we desire the most but we never lose hope 🕊
I am writing this letter with the hope that you will understand a little more about what it is like to lose a baby.
Some of you may have lost a child yourself; others may know men and women facing baby loss.
And just maybe, some of you have never heard or known anything about baby loss, until after reading this letter.
Wherever or whomever you are, know that this is not just my story, but also many others who have had to endure the loss of a pregnancy or multiple pregnancies, grapple with the waves of grief, suffer the weight of empty arms, and even struggle with the endless pain of infertility. I want you to know that I lost my baby, and after losing a baby, I lost many other “things.”First, I lost my dreams.
I had dreams of a beautiful birth with a happy ending.I had dreams of cradling and feeding a newborn. Then, I lost myself.I lost my identity, and for a time, didn’t know who I was. Was I a mother, still?Or did I not quite “make it” there?
Did I have enough experience ? I didn’t know who I was or what I deserved. I didn’t know if I had done something wrong or if karma had finally caught up with me.
I didn’t know what my purpose was or if God no longer loved me. I will never know my baby’s eyes or my baby’s voice. I will never see the seasons of growth and a fruitful life.
I will never know and don’t know, and that is the most painful thing of all.
My baby is a mystery that I can never solve.Losing a baby is backward; parents are not supposed to outlive their children. When I held my baby, he was too small. Too small for this big world, too fragile for life. So, do not be alarmed if I am not present: to your baby showers, the birth of your babies, to your baby’s first, second, third, even fifth, sixth, or seventh birthdays. Do not be curt or offended if I do not shout with happiness, “Congratulations!” during your announcement or hold your babies.
Do not misunderstand me when I say that it is not because I am not happy for you, but that I am sad for me. Forgive me if I am not compassionate of your complaints of pregnancy and motherhood. And despite how hard I try not to, I will always feel the hurt and the pangs of pain when I am watching my dreams unfold for someone else, and not myself. I ask, “Well, why not me??” . I ask that you know that our world celebrates life more than it acknowledges death.
I ask that you know that when a baby dies, it changes the meaning of life.
I ask that you know the existence of invisible motherhood. I am exhausted, and my heart is incomplete, constantly shattering in hope and doubt.
When I am distant, please show me that you care.
When I am present, please hug me and tell me that you are there. It is not that I isolate myself from you, but that I feel life has isolated me: from joy, from peace, from rest.
All I know is that I must survive this new life of sorrow, and even so, it is painful to watch life pass me by without the one person who should be here. There is no cure for grief, and I do not want to be cured.
Let's Glow!
Achieve your health goals from period to parenting.