I try but I still hate myself.

I try not to be petty, insecure or emotional. But lately these are the feelings that have been coming with TTC #2. We are on month 18 and it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. We’ve tried medications and fertility testing and there is just no explanation as to why we can’t conceive.

My sister announced last week that they are having a boy. Which awesome, except for that it has been the ongoing joke that my husband and I would have the first boy in 10 years and break the girl streak.

I am super excited to have a nephew but my heart is still sad.

I hate feeling this way and I want to be genuinely and purely happy for them, but I can’t. I know it’s my own insecurities but I can’t help it. I literally hate myself.