i had sex for the first time a few months ago with a man i met on tinder and thought i enjoyed it at the time. i’m 18 and he’s 23. when i look back, he went way too hard for my first time and i bled for a few days. he knew i was in pain and i would say “ow” and he would say sorry but eventually go back to the same pace. i ended up just taking it. i did want to see him after that, and i met him again weeks later. this time, we actually went out and it seemed more like the start of a relationship. we slept together again during this visit and it was less painful but i still couldn’t quite get into it. after this visit, we made plans to visit again but i distanced myself and ended up cutting him off due to his pressures of making it a relationship. i wasn’t quite attracted to him. after this whole situation, the idea of him touching me nauseates me. the thought of any sexual contact makes me panic and cry if i think about it deeply enough. i later realized that i couldn’t even get wet or aroused with him, but i was pressuring myself to lose my virginity so hard that i didn’t care. i never wanna have sex again, and i’m very deeply questioning my sexuality. i have no idea where this came from, but the mere thought of the times we had together make me wanna vomit. i feel like i have ptsd from this experience but it seemed nothing but pleasant at the time, so i have no idea why. i don’t know if i was taken advantage of because of my young age. and im questioning my sexuality, but considering that i might just be traumatized from the experience and not actually a different sexuality?