I love breastfeeding because of how convenient and good it is for the baby. But I HATE breastfeeding.

Every breastfeeding session comes with stacking up pillows, sitting a certain way, doing a biscuit hold, and praying that my milk flows instantly to avoid disappointing my baby because she is SO impatient! She’s 2.5 months old and ever since she has been able to move her head with ease breastfeeding has gotten so much worse!

My little one eats so strangely. She doesn’t demand to be feed during the day but eats like a monster in the afternoon/night. I try to feed her as much as I can during the day but if she’s not hungry, she will not eat.

Everytime I build my supply by pumping ect she will stop eating so much. But when I think I’ve adjusted it perfectly for her she will pull and tug at my nipple complaining that there isn’t any coming out.

I literally have no idea what to do. Breastfeeding is affecting my mental health so much and almost making me hate my baby. (I definitely don’t hate her but it is affecting my relationship with her when we struggle to breastfeed.)

At our last maternal child health check up she went down a percentile in her weight. (I thought she was gaining a massive amount of weight so when I heard this I was even more down about the whole breastfeeding and getting enough milk thing) I had an over supply of milk when it first came in and all the way up until this appointment.. I’m hoping that they made a mistake or she was having an off day because I’m positive what the nurse said has affected my supply even more. I have tried teas, lactation cookies, smoothies, breastfeeding vitamins.. no matter what I do as soon as I build my supply she (my baby) “ruins” it. she has a lot of wet nappies a day but I still can’t help to think that she just isn’t getting enough to make her gain weight. Whenever I check her nappy and it isn’t wet I start to freak out that she MUST be starving. Our next appointment is on the 13th And I’m just PRAYING that she is back at the normal percentile because I feel like anymore stress will just make me well and truely give up on breastfeeding.

Although it’s appreciated, I’m not looking for motivational words. I just want to know if anyone else is in the same boat: been having trouble as long as I have and managed to stick it out. Have to constantly build supply. Stress that -you’re not making enough. have been to an appointment to check they’re weight and the doctor be wrong or baby be gaining weight perfectly at the next appointment?

I’m just so lost and don’t know what else to do.

Let me just say that I’m for anyone who wants to formula feed, or breastfeed or both. But I was against formula feeding and it has never ever been my plan.