So hubby and I went out this past Friday. Didn’t really have any set plans. We often walk downtown and if we feel like going in somewhere we will. So on Friday we decided to go into a bar and after eating a bite we went up to check out the dance scene. Whenever I come to this place I want to dance but feel out of place because women here are good at grinding on each other and on their men. I don’t know the music all that well so can’t sing along all the time. And I’m not good at reading body language so I’m not good at following my partner on the dance floor when I’m feeling lost. While we were dancing I was uncomfortable and finally whispered to my husband “I feel like I don’t fit in here.” I expected to be supported and taken away from there. Instead I got a blank stare and I had to lead the way off the dance floor. We went into the next room where he told me something along the lines of stop being stupid an insecure. We ended up leaving, which was what I wanted but not in the manner that we did leave. We walked around and walked home. All the while he was talking about how I’m back at square 1 trying to come out of my shell and gain more confidence. That I have not changed and am creating bad habits. That he could get a young woman to dance on him better that I could. That he doesn’t want an insecure little girl wife. I told him that the other group of women were so sexy and danced so well and I never learned to dance that way. Growing up I always felt more comfortable with choreographed dance because I was a dancer and took dance classes. Anyway. I felt terrible. He yelled at me on the walk home about dancing and how I can’t read body language. I was embarrassed. I felt bad. I hated myself more for not having courage, for not being confident and for not knowing how to dance with my partner of 7 years (married for one). I tried hard not to cry because he hates that. He was expressing the way he feels and was also giving me tough love, but I feel like I’m ruining our relationship. All he wanted was for me to dance on him, and with him and to have fun and I couldn’t even do that.

The next day we didn’t talk about it. But on Sunday he said that he understood that he went out that night with expectations of me. He also said a few other things that I don’t really remember. He said that he knows I dance different and he likes it too because it’s me. He never said “sorry” but I’m kind of taking it as an apology because I know he hates when I apologize and part of him probably thinks he didn’t do that much wrong because he’s trying to help me be a stronger more confident person.