Let me start off by saying please don't hate or judge me. I'm only 19 and have no one to turn to for help with this.

I look nothing like my mom, but I was never worried about it because she and I have the same personality and like most people, I didn't have reason to believe she's not my mom.

about 10 years ago when the ancestry.com website started to explode, my great-uncle on my mom's side decided he was going to start building the family tree. I made a joke to him commenting that if he finds out who has red hair tell them I thank them. (I have red hair but neither do my parents do. It has to be on both parents side, but my dad's sister has it so I know where I got that from on his side, but there's no redheads on my mom's side that we know of.) His face kinds got serious and he said "we won't find a red head." I thought it was weird, but I was a kid so whatever. 🤷🏻‍♀️

fast forward to now, I'm a CNA that's working on my nursing degree, and my great-aunt on my dad's side is incredibly ill and in-home hospice care. I go over there to take care of her when the hospice nurses aren't there. Anyways, I was in her room and she said she wanted to tell me something before she dies.

She starts to tell me that a little while after my older brother was born, my parents went through a rough patch and we're separated temporarily. She told me that in that time my dad had a girlfriend. I already knew this because I would hear my parents fight about it as a kid, my mom always felt like my dad cheated on her. It's literally like a Ross and Rachel WE WERE ON A BREAK thing😂

I tell her that I know and try to stroke her hair and get her to calm down because she was getting emotional. She said "no you don't know" she then told me that this girlfriend of my dad's was bad news and was into drugs and a lot of bad things. Apparently my dad was trying to rescue her, which doesn't surprise me that's kind of my dad's thing. He wants to be a hero. Anyways, my great aunt tells me that my dad actually got her pregnant, but he was able to prove that she was doing drugs while she was pregnant and her rights were terminated shortly after I was born because she couldn't produce a clean drug test. Apparently when she was pregnant my parents patched things up and they had a plan all along to have my mom adopt me from this other lady. I didn't know what to say so I sang her to sleep.

I tried to brush it off because honestly I don't really know my great-aunt that well and for all I know she's just trying to cause drama. Also who knows what she thinks is reality and what's not with the state she's in. But then I start to think about how my mom has never let me see my birth certificate. If I've ever needed it she's sent it off to who ever has needed it. But to be honest I haven't really ever needed my birth certificate because I have a social security card. Well I decide to ask her for it and she's like "why?" I told her I just wanted it for my personal records now that I'm an adult. She got super weird but she eventually ended up giving it to me, and it has her name listed as the mom. I decide that that was that and I could just bury it now because now I know. But something is just really really bothering me about the whole thing and I couldn't let it go and I noticed that my birth certificate is not an original birth certificate and so I did some research and in my state when you're adopted at birth there are two birth certificates, and your birth parents are listed on the original. 🤯

I don't know what to do. I feel like a lot of people find out that their dad isn't their dad, but it's a whole nother weird thing to find out your mom isn't your mom. I'm not sure how to go forward with this, I don't want to tear my family apart and if my birth mom, assuming she is my birth mom, is really the kind of person that my great-aunt described her to be I don't really want to get to know her.

something else I noticed is about two years ago I wanted to get my mom one of those ancestry DNA kits for Christmas since her uncle has put so much work into the family tree on the website, I figured it could help kind of complete it. She said that she didn't want one and got really assertive about it. She said it was because they were too expensive and she doesn't like getting gifts, which is true about her, but now I've been thinking about that and I wonder if it's connected.

What do I do? Do I get a dna test? Do I even want to know at this point?