Sorry if this turns out to be a little long... but just need to get things off my chest. I have been ttc since 2012. Since then I have experienced a total of 5 pregnancy losses. June 2012 I had and ectopic pregnancy wasn't discovered until it was too late... ended up having emergency surgery due to tubal rupture which left me without my right fallopian tube. There was too much damage to repair as I should've been about 10 weeks when it was diagnosed. And it ruptures 3 days later. Summer of 2013 I ended up having an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) followed by difficulty ttc until January 2014 when I found myself pregnant again. Was sent for hcg levels and they weren't rising appropriately ultrasound found nothing withing my uterus so was diagnosed with "pregnancy in unknown location" treated with methotrexate. Then followed by another 5yrs of nothing... Oct 2019 I was ecstatic to be pregnant only to have that excitement turn to anger and anguish when I miscarried 2 weeks later. My ob/gyn did ultrasound following my miscarriage which showed no signs/reason as to why I have been haveming such difficulties with getting/staying pregnant. To my surprise I found out I was pregnant again on Jan 16, 2020. I didn't believe it was real... after the first test I ignored it as I started spotting the next day. Spotting stopped Jan 20 so I just assumed it was a lighter period. However I had been feeling off so just for kicks I decided to take another test on 1/23. and it was even darker than the first. I proceeded to take a test every day until 1/27 when I called on she had me come in right away to check hcg. First beta was only 26. Went back 1/29. Beta was only 27. 1/31 beta had doubled to 56. Doctor was excited as I was but wanted to be sure so had another beta today 2/3. Unfortunately beta had dropped to 39. Nurse called to say it looks to be yet another m/c. I'm at a loss for words right now... I thought this time would be the time my little bean would stick I had no signs/symptoms of m/c. No cramping. No bleeding since 1/20. Nothing. Upon finding out I was pregnant. I immediately stopped drinking alcohol. Reduced my coffee intake to 1 cup in the morning. And reduced my cigarette smoking from 10/day to 5/day. I am 31yr old and have been smoking since I was 12 so that's the hardest bad habit to quit. I dont know what else I can do to try to have/maintain a healthy pregnancy. I have thought about seeking help from a fertility specialist however $100k+ just isn't in the budget. I have desperately been trying everything I can think of to have a baby but nothing is working.... I feel like a failure. I just want to curl up and cry.