*** sorry i didnt know where i should post this***

Ladies i need help!! When i was younger my step dad would physically abuse me, he would trap me in a corner and hit me with a 2 by 4. I finally got the guts to tell someone and was made to go live with my cousin. This was all fine and dandy until she started abusing her kids. She would kick them in the stomach, throw handheld house phones at their head, hit them ect. Long story short I have horrible history with abuse. I never went threw with talking to anyone about this as I thought i could deal with it on my own. Well now as an adult and having kids of my own it is very hard for me to spank them. It doesn't matter who it is but when i see a child get a spanking i get horrible flashbacks of what i had to go threw as a child. Well this has caused me to not spank my children, unstead i will take things away, do time outs stuff like that. Well this is becomming a huge problem in my relationship. My boyfrined thinks that i should whoop my kids and he is right. However i can not bring myself to do it. Taking things away or time outs are not working anymore and they are getting a little out of control. How can i get over the trama that i went threw in the past??? I know i need to talk to someone but i have no idea on how to even go about doing so. Any help/advise that you could give would be greatly appreciated! Thank you for reading this