In high school I thought I was huge and a blimp and looking back I was so small. Now I’ve gained 100 pounds since senior year due to thyroid and I just never realized how big I actually am. I look at myself in the mirror as a 5’2 230 pound woman and know I’m bigger but to me I don’t look huge. Tonight I wanted to see what I looked like with my shorts on so I set my phone up and did a video. Holy fuck I looked huge! I want to cry but I am so mad at myself. Some people get fat from eating too much McDonald’s, I got fat because my thyroid was off and I let my toxic relationship control me. I allowed my now ex to not allow me to go to the doctors. One time I went to the emergency room for pneumonia and they asked the last time I had my period, they were gonna run blood work cause it was about 5 months but I lied cause my now ex would’ve flipped shit, punched a hole in the wall and threatened his life. Now I look back and think fuck you idiot, you were 180 around this time, should’ve gotten blood work done, but no I waited 10 more months till I was sleepy all the time, could barely walk up the stairs, and was 230 pounds.

So many doctors have suggested medicines that’ll help with fast weight loss but I’ve declined but it’s so hard! I’m working out and could probably do more and my dosage is finally right again, but fuck you see these girls who barely do anything and they loose a bunch of weight. I’m just so upset