Relationships are so difficult because of communication. I never wanted to settle and I feel like I haven’t. This current relationship I would say is my most healthiest but there are some rough moments. How you communicate- your choice of words, your expressions, body language, tone-all can cause a negative reaction to the other person. We all have our own opinions and thought processes, it can come off wrong and your train of thought can go sideways. I never had healthy communication growing up because we either said mean things to each other or we wouldn’t say anything at all- good old silent treatment. My husband on the other hand, always went to therapy when he was younger but his mother is the epitome of toxicity, which is an even longer story. So add us both together and of course we bump heads, who doesn’t. No one is perfect. What one means may not be interpreted that way and once one gives an attitude, that whole train of thought goes elsewhere. Then you become defensive and so do I. And we go down this rabbit hill.

I literally just broke down but I was filled with anger so much that I bursted with tears and for once it wasn’t sadness behind those tears. It was me feeling backed up against the wall, full of madness. In his communication, I always have a mean way of saying what was on my mind-rude. I’m not going to lie and say he’s wrong because sometimes what and how I say it is mean. But I’ve been making more gentle comments and now he’s saying I needed to be more direct- because it’s what he’s expected yet he just said he feels like he’s always walking on eggshells because of how I talk. He wants me a to be an adult and say how I feel without being rude and a child yet when I say it as gentle, now I’m not saying how I felt. So now he thinks I’m holding it in... that’s where my anger came in. I’m a rude child when I’m blunt yet when im gentle, I’m not talking about my feelings or being communicative. Like fuck.... I told him the topic that started this convo was one we won’t ever see eye to eye so there’s no point in delving deeper into, not because I don’t believe in communication but this was something we both couldn’t convince each other on and now we’re just picking each other’s exact words. Trust me when he calls me a child, I tell him he’s not the best at communicating either. There is no right or wrong, just wrong interpretations and wrong choice of words. No relationship is perfect and I’m sorry that this post is boring but I need to vent or else. I honestly am not sure how this will end since we still don’t see eye to eye on how we instigated each other. ✌🏼