I thought about the days I have to wait before I can do a pregnancy test.

And it feels like forever to do one.

I really hope this time I have a positive pregnancy test in my hands.

I had several miscarriages, the last one was last year. The first ultra sound they didn't see much. The midwife said maybe your less than 4 weeks pregnant. She said she will do another ultrasound 2 weeks later. The ultrasound was on my 30th birthday.

My belly kept on growing, breasts hurt so much. I did pregnancy tests to see if they were still positive. And all of the tests came out positive. I was so happy and thought I would see a little baby at the ultrasound.

I went for the ultrasound, but unfortunately there was no baby. It was already gone. But my body still thought that I was pregnant. I really could cry when I was laying there. But it was my birthday, and had to put a smile on my face.

When I was home, my boyfriend was still at his work. My son and step kids were playing in the living room. They didn't know we thought I was pregnant. My son came to me and said: mom, you're the best mom in the whole world. And I couldn't even look to him, I turned my head and started to cry. I said to him that it was really sweet and that I love him. And he went playing with the others.

Now 6 months later, I'm sitting here hoping for a positive test. I'm scared to do one and to see it's positive and it goes wrong again.

But I'll keep hope. My wish is so big to have another baby. I pray for it many times.

For all the mommy's who ttc, had miscarriages and negatives tests when they tried so hard, don't give up. Talk about the way you feel. Do things that makes you happy.

I hope for all of you, you will have a positive test in hands and 9 months later a beautiful baby in your arms. Baby dust for all of you.