I have a 3 year old who I love very much. However I also suffer from mental health which is deteriorating every day. I haven’t been to the doctors about it because I just feel scared and embarrassed to complain. Every day is the same routine, I go to work while my son is at nursery, collect him after, go home, sort out dinner.. and I am ashamed to admit that I am constantly on my phone a lot rather than spend time with my son and teaching him / being a parent. I don’t go on social media as I have neither of those but I just watch / read random shit on YouTube and on the news to escape reality. I have never, ever felt so useless as a mother, and also never felt so low as I have been for the past few weeks.

I have tried to talk to my husband but he doesn’t understand anything about mental health and he just says that you should only be depressed if something terribly bad has happened or if you are poor, etc. therefore we should be grateful for what we have. I am grateful! But I cannot shake this off. I need to get help for the sake of my darling boy but making that first step is hard and the thought of going on antidepressants terrifies me as well with the side effects and whatnot.

I can’t go on like this anymore. I want my life back again. I want to feel happy and wake up happy. I am constantly exhausted because my mind is constantly thinking about negative thoughts. I have to do something right now :( my son is displaying poor behaviour already and I know because he is crying for my attention.. so why can’t I just get off my sorry arse and be a mum then? Why is that so hard? 😭