Hi, I just need to let something out... so I’ve been TTC since august. Now I know it’s not very long and I know that there are a lot of people who try for years without success but I have to admit I’m disappointed.

Once we decided to start trying I started reading, I like to be informed of what happens to my body. So we started having sex without any protection and I was sure I was going to get pregnant on the first try (30 year old and healthy), but of course I didn’t know at that point that I only have around 25% chance every month of actually conceiving, thank you Sex education for the misinformation.

The idea since we decided we would start trying was always “if it happens, it happens” BUT I have to confess that not only have I been symptom spotting more that I should, but I’ve also been way more disappointed that I thought I would be. I know the odds, I know the numbers and I know I’m young and have time. I have not been tracking anything else than my period, I’ve never taken a test since I think that until I actually miss my period there’s no point.

On the other hand I got really excited last week when I started spotting 2 days ahead of my period being due and of course I thought it would be implantation bleeding. I’d had sore nipples for nearly two weeks and I was totally exhausted and was nauseous for a week off and on.

And then my period came. With a freacking vengeance. I was so disappointed that I started crying. I had been so sure that this was my month and then, nothing. My boyfriend told me not to get obsessed, that we would try again and that it was only a matter of time. And now, we start again but I never thought I’d feel so helpless and even a bit useless? Something that my body is designed to do and yet doesn’t happen?

Grrrrr.

Rant over 😖