My life is amazing and I absolutely love every second of it. I have an amazing relationship with my fiancé and everyone in my life. Yet, a part of me feels like I’m lost and hates myself for some reason. I just want to love myself and take care of myself. I want to look healthy and be healthy. I just want to be able to look at a photo and love what I see and it’s really hard for me to do that when I look like a freaking potato. I literally don’t know how many times I told myself “I’m going to eat healthier” “I’m going to the gym” and I never do it or I do it for a week or so and give up. I literally have no willpower. I may love my life, but over the past year or two, I have felt an insane amount of hatred towards my body. I’m literally disgusted at where my physical health is at. I don’t want to look like no freaking supermodel but I just want to be healthy. It’s like every time I think about myself being at good health, I can’t see myself ever getting there and give up. And my fiancé tells me that I’m beautiful the way I am and I appreciate him telling me that so I’ll feel better. But one part of me hates my body and feels like I should give up and the other part is yearning for me to get my a** up and do something about it. So I’m going to do something about it whether I feel like giving up or not.