Knowing I’m not alone here is why I feel like I freely express these emotions. It’s currently 3:30 in the morning. I am wide awake laying in bed next to my amazing husband who is asleep and my beautiful little boy who is asleep in the room down the hallway. But, what am I doing? Laying in bed, sad and ANGRY that I am currently one day from my period coming and still haven’t gotten a positive test. I had NO idea how difficult this would be after our son. He was a surprise but such a blessing to our lives. I have a beautiful life. And SO much to be so thankful for but taking negative test after negative test is just so exhausting. I know so many women go through this. Another month down and pcos infertility strikes again! The weight loss, the eating habits, the medication... and two years later here we are :/. I can’t help but wonder if this is how the next few years will be. I always wanted to have children close in age and the time is just flying by. My son is enough. If I never have another that is okay because he is more than I could’ve ever hoped for. I guess it’s just the reality of wanting something that feels so intangible to me. I feel so much mom guilt for even being sad over not conceiving again when I KNOW our little boy is my world. I try to tell my heart that it’s okay to feel what I am feeling. That it has nothing to do with my love for my son or contentment and joy but the guilt is so overwhelming. This is just such a viscous cycle. My heart aches for women who have been battling this for years. We are going on two years now of TTC. I just really needed to vent tonight. I’m sorry if this was a waste of time for anyone to read but I am just a sad, frustrated momma who is trying to do her best and feeling inadequate. Baby dust to everyone out there in my same boat.